During her October 15 appearance on The Howard Stern Show, the 56-year-old superstar opened up about her decades-long romantic history and made a surprisingly candid confession.
When Stern asked if she’s ever “truly been loved,” Lopez paused, then answered honestly: “No.”
“It’s not that I’m not lovable — it’s that they’re not capable,” Lopez explained. “They gave me all of it, every time. All the rings, all the things I could ever want. The houses, the rings, the marriage. All of it. But…” she said, trailing off before adding the revelation that’s become central to her self-discovery: “I didn’t love myself.”
Lopez, who finalized her divorce from Ben Affleck earlier this year, said that the end of that marriage sparked a major personal transformation.
“When I got divorced this last time, it was the best thing that ever happened to me,” she told Stern. “It forced me to realize the core of the thing is you — it’s nobody else.”
The Atlas star shared that she has since worked intensively on her emotional health, teaming up with multiple therapists, a religious coach, and even a specialist in addiction recovery.
“I had to look at myself and understand why I kept repeating the same patterns,” she said. “It’s been a real journey.”
Lopez’s love life has long been a topic of fascination. Over the years, she’s been married four times — to Ojani Noa, Cris Judd, Marc Anthony, and Ben Affleck — and engaged several other times. She’s also been linked to Sean “Diddy” Combs, Casper Smart, and Alex Rodriguez, among others.
Experts say her romantic timeline fits the pattern of serial monogamy, moving from one serious relationship to the next without long breaks in between.
“Serial monogamy isn’t necessarily unhealthy,” sexologist Sophie Tarawinyichaip tells PEOPLE, “but when it happens continuously, it can be a way of avoiding being alone or doing the inner work that leads to lasting love.”
Marriage therapist Adri L. adds, “If you never give yourself time to heal between relationships, you don’t get the chance to grow independently — and that’s where real emotional maturity happens.”
Now, Lopez says she’s focusing on herself — something she admits she’s never truly done before.
“I feel really comfortable and good in being myself — all the good parts and all of the complicated things,” she shared.‘
Celebrity matchmaker Alessandra Conti says that Lopez’s self-awareness is a powerful first step. “Jennifer has no trouble finding love; she has trouble sustaining it,” Conti says. “She falls in love easily, but maintaining a long-term, emotionally balanced relationship takes different tools — and it sounds like she’s finally learning those.”
Conti notes that “love becomes a verb after the honeymoon phase — it’s no longer just feelings and chemistry.”
Professional matchmaker Amy Laurent agrees that for A-list celebrities like Lopez, love can be uniquely challenging. “Their lives are under constant public scrutiny,” Laurent says. “That pressure makes intimacy and emotional safety much harder to maintain.”
When Stern asked if she ever checks up on her exes, Lopez laughed and replied, “Once I’m done, you’re dead to me.” She quickly clarified that she meant she moves on completely — not that she holds grudges.
The comment reflects Lopez’s ongoing effort to set healthy boundaries. “I’ve learned that closure doesn’t always come from someone else,” she said. “Sometimes you give it to yourself.”
So, can Jennifer Lopez find true love? Experts — and Lopez herself — seem to think it’s possible, but only if she continues doing the inner work.
“True love starts when you’re whole on your own,” Conti says. “It’s not about finding someone to complete you — it’s about being complete and then choosing someone to share your life with.”
Lopez appears to agree. For the first time in her career, she’s not chasing a love story — she’s writing one with herself at the center.
“I’ve always said what I wanted most was to be in love,” she told Stern. “But now I’m realizing maybe I needed to be in love with me first.”
